153rd G-View: Controversial Edition: Nisemonogatari

Hey doods and peeps, welcome to another episode of The G-Views. You know, I was actually on delaying this review for a month’s time because the show greatly angered me. Week after week I became angrier and angrier at what I saw on my monitor, disgracing what was great about the prequel and making me question the credibility of this show’s fanbase. What do I mean, you ask? Find out in my review of Nisemonogatari.

If you haven’t read my review of the prequel yet, check it out and maybe you’ll understand why I greatly dislike this shameful sequel.

100th G-View Xtravaganza: Bakemonogatari

Also, a fair warning. I tried my very best to hold back and not unleash an Eyesedso quality cussfest but the review may for the most part look like a long rant nobody will care about. You’ve been warned. This show really pissed me off. I never…EVER want to do a review like this one again.

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128th G-View: Zettai Shougeki: Platonic Heart (Warning, Mature content)

Hello and welcome to the G-Views…I’m not going to finish the slogan.

….and now…the moment you’ve all been waiting for…..I really don’t want to do this…but as a man of my word…oh goh.

Here it is, the historic portion of this 3 part G-View: Zettai Shougeki: Platonic Heart…help me.

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101st G-View: Kore wa Zombie Desuka?

Hello and welcome to the G-Views, where creativity is respected and Dokuro-chan is rejected. After a week long break, I’m back and ready to roll. So this time let’s take a look at a show that I’ve been eagerly awaiting to review since its 6th episode. This is the Zombie show. I’m too lazy to write “Kore wa Zombie Desuka?” over and over so Zombie Show it is.

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77th Holiday Special: MM!

(Written on December 26th. 2010)

Hello and welcome to G-Views, where SoL reigns supreme, moe is respected and Dokuro-chan sucks poopie. Well this one was long overdue and planned as the upcoming Christmas Special, unfortunately due to personal health issues, it was pushed back by a week. However, fear not fans, the time has finally come to put my long and agonizing journey of watching this piece of turd called MM! behind me ONCE AND FOR ALL! Oh how painful it was. How I suffered week after week each time I watched this disaster of an anime that made my teeth cringe with rage and smile only once a blue moon in terms of episodes that were “good”….and I say the word “good” loosely since associating MM! with the word “good” hurts my tongue and gives me stomach cramps, just like the show itself.

Genres: comedy, romance
Themes: fanservice, moe, tsundere
Number of episodes: 12 + some upcoming OADs.
G-Rating: 5/10

This is the story of a man, who made a solemn vow to the anime community that he would do everything in his power to tear this anime limb by limb, piece by piece, organ by organ and PROVE ONCE AND FOR ALL, that it’s a horrible, nightmare inducing show that had no effort, no creativity and no thought put behind it no matter what people will want you to believe, for I know the truth and I will preach it to you all!

-First of all, the good things, because I’m not a scrooge. Well the animation is colorful and the OP is nice. The show EVENTUALLY explains why Mio goes through so much to help others and not help herself. It also did give a semi interesting subplot involving the origin of Yuuno’s androphobia.
The Cross-Dresser and the Nurse are the ONLY 2 characters on the show who didn’t make me repeatedly smash my head to the wall. Why? Because they were just…there. They contributed little to the main plot and their presence didn’t make any impact. I liked them because of how pointless they were. That meant that they’re not responsible in any way for any of the euthanasia,  and brainwashing inflicted by EVERYONE ELSE ON THE SHOW!

Now for the bad: “Cracks fingers”. I should really use this energy toward making my college reports instead. Oh well, reviewing anime is one of my hobbies so I dig it.

So the plot SUPPOSEDLY from what I first thought was about people with fetishes and how they cope in life, while trying hard to combat these fetishes, by either keeping hem under control or removing them. Can you guess how many of these fetishes are actually cured?

Go on…guess. If you guessed 1…WRONG! The answer is none of them. At the end of the day, this show became nothing more than another ecchi harem anime. Actually I think the show is telling us that it’s okay to be ourselves. It’s okay to be a masochist. It’s okay to be a sadist, it’s okay to be androphobic (even though the source of  your problem had already been solved many days after the ones who helped you had discovered the source). It’s okay to be a lolicon. It’s okay to be a masseuse who can kill people with her skills. It’s okay for a mother and daughter to be sexually attracted to their son/younger brother and be completely obsessed with him (REALLY OBSESSED). It’s okay to be a pervert in public.
No need for self control or guidance, let it all out and be happy that you’re a waste of flesh.

Whoever made this motivational needs to get their eyes checked.

Characters:

If only he were actually dreading this moment instead of desiring pain.

-Taro Sado: His fascination with pain got old pretty quick and no the fun of watching him get clobbered like many other male harem leads who preceded him, wasn’t there at all. If a male harem lead isn’t likable, then any good deed that he performs won’t mean anything since it’s a tradition for male harem leads to good deeds. So yeah, this guy irritates me. Every time he cried for joy while being punished made me tear my hair from my head and want to punch something really hard. It made me crave a punching bag, preferably a bag with a picture of the masseuse on it. Personally, the main character from Working! had much more credibility as a trap than this pathetic waste of flesh that should be thrown to Hades does.

-Yuuno: What upsets me about her is that they SHOVE HER down our throats as the girl that the writers WANT the viewers to cheer for to win Taro’s heart. Why? I don’t know. Oh, and she continues to be afraid of men (even Tarou) after she clearly has a crush on him. Sure, Working! did the same thing, but it was done much better there. Also, every time she mutters the sentence “Men frighten me”, before knocking Taro into orbit (Which he of course enjoys) I eat a pack of cookies to clam my nerves while listening to Holy Diver by the late Ronnie James Dio.

-Tatsukichi the cross-dresser: Like the character. Not much to complain about. I do like how haughty he becomes while crossdressing, so he’s alright.

His haughtiness amuses me.

-Michiru the nurse: Has a fetish of taking pictures of cosplaying women. Another character that I liked. No complaints here.

Yup, definitely no complaints.

-Yumi Mamiya: The Masseuse. THE MOST POINTLESS/USELESS CHARACTER ON THE SHOW! Sure above mentioned two also contribute little to the show, but at least they’re decent. This girl on the other hand….WHY IS SHE THERE?! WHAT IS HER POINT?! WHAT IS THERE TO LIKE ABOUT HER?! WHAT A PATHETIC EXCUSE OF A CHARACTER. ALL SHE DOES IS GROPE BOOBS, WHINE, NAG, BITCH, MOAN AND FLIRT WITH TATSUKICHI! Oh wait…”grope boobs”…yup, that’s it. This bitch makes me want to go out into an empty field and cry tears of sorrow while asking the question, “Why, does Paris Hilton STILL have a career, or a career to begin with?”

Nope, this isn’t what you think it is. Even then I wouldn’t care about either of these bitches.

Tomoko (Mother) and Shizuka (Sister) Sado: Cooperate (sometimes compete) to protect and someday sexually assault Taro. I’ll give them one thing, they are demented geniuses. Other than that, they suck. Why couldn’t they be awesome like the Takanashi family from Working!

Noa Hiiragi: mad scientist. Created perv beam to make the world pervs. Forced Taro (who was wearing a perv belt) to become a pervert Super Saiyan powered by perverts nationwide, who uses his new found power to fight…Yukinojo the lolicon. He’s a lolicon, nuff said. All this just to make friends for Noa. Oh please, the mad witch from Ookami-san was more entertaining than your not adorable and scrawny ass. As a mad scientist, YOU FAIL!

I saved the worst for last: MIO!


What is it with Japan and Shorties anyway? just in case: A Shorty is an anime character who is older than she looks.
Back to my rant. This woman is, along with the masseuse, one of my biggest sources of excruciating pain. Nothing original about her. She’s just a typical tsundere. She changes clothing and proceeds to crush Taro. (who of course enjoys it.) She’s also a pitiful character (how predictable). She’s not cute, she’s not an attractive shorty, she’s not funny (Then again almost everyone else isn’t either), she doesn’t have an oomph factor, she’s a pathetic excuse of a wannabe god who should have taken classes from Angel Beats’ christ wannabe. The brat doesn’t even look good as a boxer. Hell, she even fails as a sadist in general. If I wanted to see true sadism, I’d go watch an episode of Jersey Shore and I’m not a masochist.

Another problem this show created is that it had no continuation. Yes, Taro has 3 girls who for some reason want him. Okay, now what? Hello, writers?…Anything else? Is he going to choose. Will there be an epic climax? No final resolution? Nothing? Okay, FU then.

Writers, if you want to make a harem male protagonist funny or even interesting, MAKE SURE HE SUFFERS WITH STYLE, GRACE, FINESSE, TORTURE AND CREATIVITY! He is NOT allowed to enjoy the pain, even if that’s what his character’s based upon. To be frank, the fact that the character ENJOYED the pain ruined the anime from the start. DON’T BELIEVE THE POSITIVE FEEDBACK THIS SHOW GOT BECAUSE AT THE END OF THE DAY, IT DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING THAT OTHER HAREM SHOWS HAVEN’T DONE BEFORE!

Why? Why is this show popular? Why is it funny? Okay, A FEW TIMES I got a chuckle or two during the vomit fest, but the fact remains that when a show only makes me laugh 2% of the time, that’s not a good thing. I need to smile at least 3 times in while watching an anime or pacing with excitement. If an anime can’t make me do any of these things, then it gets an instant sendoff to Carrot Top’s house for massive urination.

In conclusion: This show sucks! Aside from Cross-Dresser and Nurse, everyone else is an eyesore, the main plot has no meaning, the subplots have no meaning, the cliche romance has no meaning, the harem has no meaning, the jokes have no meaning, the predictability has no meaning, even my pain has no meaning yet I can still feel it!

Hope you all had a Merry Christmas and until next time.
Oh, one final bit of advice. Instead of watching this garbage out of curiosity, go watch Working! instead. It’s 10000 times funnier, has an androphobic (Inami), who is dealt with much better than Yuuno, ALL the characters are lovable and most important of all, that’s the show where one of 2009′s mini goddesses of comedy resides, Yamada Aoi. Praise be to Yamada!

23rd G-View: Arcade Gamer Fubuki

Hello and welcome to G-Views, where SoL reigns supreme, moe is respected and Dokuro-chan sucks poopie. What do you as a male video-gamer think about when you combine the words, female and video-games together? the answer, paradise. That’s what I was expecting when I jumped into this 4 episode OVA. What did I get for pumping myself up? A BIG SMACKDOWN IN MY FACE AND JAW DROPPING SENSELESSNESS THAT MADE MY BRAIN ROT AND QUESTION THE VERY FABRIC OF JAPANESE ANIMATION, PANTY POWER AND THE SEGA CORPORATION’S DESPERATION TO PROMOTE THEIR PRODUCTS!

Alternative title:
Arcade Gamer Fubuki 2nd STAGE – Nusumareta PP (Japanese)
Genres: comedy, tournament
Themes: sports (SPORTS?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME???!!!!!)
Objectionable content: Mild (mild bad language and/or bloodless violence)
Number of OVAs: 4, about 40 minutes each.

G-Rating: 5/10

Plot Summary: Fubuki Sakuragasaki is a powerful gamer who, with the power of her Passion Panties, climbs up the ranks of the BAG (Best of Arcade Gamer) tournament to become the greatest Arcade Gamer in the world. However, the evil Gulasic Group is out to conquer the world through said tournament, and their gaming skills will prove to be a challenge. Fubuki must team up with the legendary Mr. Mystery to combat the four Gods of Gaming and make the world of arcade gaming safe for all.

There is so much wrong with this plot and the rest of the show that it makes me ask many questions. For example:
-HOW DO PANTIES HELP YOU EXCEL AT ARCADE GAMING?!
-WHY HAVE OVERGROWN MEN GET NOSEBLEEDS AT THE SIGHT OF EXPOSED UNDERWEAR WORN BY A MINOR?
-HOW CAN YOU PLAY AN ARCADE GAME WITH 2 ANALOG STICKS (1 FOR EACH PLAYER) TO CONTROL 1 PLAYER, BUTTON MASHING WHILE USING THE FOLLOWING METHODS: PLAYING WHILE WEARING BOXING GLOVES, HANDSTAND ON TOP OF THE ANALOG STICKS, WITH A TAIL, BASHING THE CONSOLE?
-HOW CAN YOU PLAY AN MMORPG GAME, THAT ARE USUALLY PLAYED ON PCs, IN AN ARCADE MACHINE?
-WHY DOES A MASKED WRESTLER IN PINK TIGHTS KNOW HOW TO CONTACT A PRETEEN GIRL AND HAVE A SPARE SET OF PASSION PANTIES FOR HER TO USE?
-WHY WOULD YOU, AS A SECRET ORGANIZATION, ANNOUNCE YOUR SECRET PLANS IN PUBLIC DURING A MEANINGLESS INTRODUCTION?
-WHY WOULD SEGA CHOOSE THIS METHOD TO PROMOTE THEIR OLD GAMES?
-WHY DIDN’T THEY PROMOTE OBSCURE GAMES INSTEAD OF SONIC THE HEDGEHOG, PHANTASY STAR AND ALEX KIDD?
-HOW DO SUPER PANTIES AND MASTERY OF ARCADE GAMING LEAD TO WORLD DOMINATION?
-WHY DUEL ON TOP OF ARCADE MACHINES, HANDSTAND ON THE ANALOG STICKS, WHILE RIDING GEYSERS?
-WHY HAVE A MAIN ANTAGONIST WHOSE FLASHBACK AND TRUE INTENTIONS MAKE NO SENSE WHATSOEVER?!

My word, even Excel Saga and Puni Puni Poemy made more sense than this piece of garbage. You know why this hurts even more than it should? It’s because it made me feel like I was watching “The Wizard” all over again, and that movie was also crap!
Why take two of men’s greatest guilty pleasures, women and gaming, and turn it into a steaming pile of clusterpoopie?! I feel raped. I honestly feel raped by these OVAs, they’re that retarded. Oh well, there’s a bright side: At least this series isn’t “Bokusatsu Tenshi Dokuro-chan”!
And you know what the most shocking part is? there’s actually a twist ending that may surprise you. I couldn’t believe it. the ending was actually unexpected.

If anyone here does intend on watching these OVAs, then do yourself a favor and set yourself into “So bad, it’s good” mode. That was my mistake. I set my aspirations too high and it cost me dearly. A portion of my sanity was lost after watching these OVAs.

This is clearly not one of Shaft’s most memorable creations and thank goodness it isn’t.