Yesterday I went to the movies due to it being matinee weekend and I was choosing between The Dictator, Madagascar 3 and this movie. Guess which one I picked.
I was initially going to ignore this one and wait for a member of Thatguywiththeglasses or Reviewtopia to bash it to the ground like they did with the Twilight Lite atrocity that was Red Riding Hood…surprisingly enough, many of them said it was okay. Heck, even Youtubers whose opinions I trust said the movie’s good. I also hesitated because Snow White was played by Bella Swan…but Charlize Theron and Thor are also in it…decisions, decisions. This also means I have to check out Prometheus…nah, I’ll save that for a rental. This movie piqued my curiosity even more and…it was a decent action adaptation.
Now I haven’t read the Brothers Grimm version of the story but I’ve seen the Disney Adaptation and it was okay too. Basically the gist of the plot is Snow White’s name is inspired by the queen pricking her finger on a rose and the drops of blood mixed in with the snow. Neat. Anyway, Queen dies, King’s depressed, evil army shows up, he finds a hot prisoner babe in the carriage (Queeny), marries her the next day, kills him in their honeymoon, imprisons Bella in a tower till she’s a young adult and takes over the kingdom. That’s the initial setup.
Expect the story to flow like this, Bella finds a small ray of hope with a group that opposes the queen…only to eventually have Queeny’s army, led by her broski, crash the party and kill some of her new friends. That’s 45% of the movie right there. Not much else I can say about the plot other than it being superior in almost every way to Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland or Red Riding Hood. the plot has a basic flow and is easy to follow from beginning to end. It’s a darker take on a classic fairy tale and nothing more. You all know what I mean by darker. Let’s face it, fairy tales are already pretty dark without needing to be altered.
Like I said, this movie is a fairy tale to the core so fantasy elements need to be present, and that they are. The CG animals and other mythical creatures that help Bella throughout her journey are all there just like in the Disney movie and they do their part. Thankfully they don’t speak. Heck, even a classic monster makes a cameo and attacks our male lead and Bella. Oh, and let’s not forget the seven dwarves who are not played by actual little people.
Another great positive for this movie is that despite what the character interaction is telling you, there isn’t really a romance. Sure it’s there but it’s not really that important. It’s there because most fairy tales have romance but here it’s primarily about preparing Snowy for her destined battle against Queeny by making her as mentally miserable as possible…actually both now that I think about it.
The location, think a peaceful land corrupted by evil where paradise
That’s enough about the plot and settings, let’s get to the characters themselves. In short, everyone except Bella Swan was pretty good. I’ll just name my favorites.
You’ve got the titular Huntsman in Thor (Chris Hemsworth) who played a likable man whose down drowning his woes in alcohol after losing everything and just wants to do his best to put his past demons to rest and you can see that for the most part after getting some sense knocked into him, he legitimately wants to do the right thing. Besides, I like Movie Thor.
Next we have Sam Spruell, who plays Queeny’s broski. Simply put, he tries to be as mean and cruel as her sister but always falls short. Sure, he’s bad to the bone but not as evil as onee-chan. I’ll explain after talking about my number 1.
To nobody’s surprise and the main attraction for me when it comes to this movie, my #1 fav character is Queeny (Charlize Theron). You know, in a world of adulthood where I constantly hear internet reviewers and animeniacs alike who continue to demand deep, epiphany inducing plots and empathetic/sympathetic villains with flashbacks, it’s nice to see big baddies who are evil just because. Sure, Queeny does get an obligatory flashback but it doesn’t really explain why she goes so far and slaughters so many just to be the most beautiful being in existence. Again, bad for the sake of being bad. That’s it. I also greatly enjoyed her screams of rage whenever her lackeys failed. Some call it Nicholas Cage level of overacting but I didn’t think it was THAT over the top. No disrespecting the great Nick Cage for his insanity is the stuff of legend. Like I said about Queeny’s otouto, her tries hard to be as mean, even screaming as loudly but he can’t compare to the mistress.
Everyone else does what they’re supposed to do and it’s fine.
Lastly, we have Kristen Stewart who I’ve called Bella Swan (If I misspelled her name all this time, do I look like I care?) and for good reason. She pretty much plays the exact same character…albeit one MAJOR difference. Prepare yourselves doods and peeps for what you are about to hear will change your lives forever. In this movie, Bella…………………………………..DOES SOMETHING!
She even……………..EXPRESSES EMOTIONS, albeit you need to pay VERY close attention to the split second she smiles. It’s that small. Yes, I know the Bella’s boring jokes are getting old but can you blame me? Call me sexist or biased if you want but c’mon. Bella Swan…more beautiful than Charlize Theron…the woman who made me get a boner just by seeing her back, not her ass, just her back. I’m supposed to believe that the girl who is supposedly the chosen one, the girl who gives a ray of hope to all those who believe in her, the girl who gives a rallying speech and marches into battle leading an army to take down Queeny, the girl who is the fairest one of all…is played by Bella Swan……riiiiiiiiight. Hell even in the incredibly one sided final showdown…(Guess who almost won the fight and I was cheering for.). Jeez.
So yeah, the movie’s worth a Matinee or Blu-Ray purchase. Other than the ridiculousness of having to believe that Bella Swan the savior of the universe, It’s an enjoyable flick.